Friday, September 30, 2005

Singing the Blues

The infection is back. I can't write. I'm in pain. I've only had rare short times out of pain since the end of March. A lot of the pain turned out to be a massive yeast infection brought on the antibiotics. I find that when I'm in the middle of emotional times (like yet another bacterial infection now), my writing becomes whiny and very bad. It's only after, well afterwards when I've come to some terms with these rough patches that sensible words begin to come. I need to write a poem, but the page is empty. I wish I could be one of those people who write terribly clever and upbeat funny things when they're in the midst of life struggles, but...

A haiku I wrote last year to share.

autumn to autumn
the soles of my shoes
still clean

(I AM grateful for a great GYN who's now working with me on this. So few doctors care about their patients any further than their body parts, anymore. So...I'm lucky. Hey, maybe I'll even write a poem about HIM one of these days:-)


Rae Pater said...

I for one would like to see you write some of that dark, whiny stuff Pris.

There are no medals for being a hero in this life, and you have been heroic for a long time now.

For a poet whose life is dogged by a painful and debilitating illness, your writing is curiously devoid of it.
Maybe you should think about writing some of your experiences down?
I'm sure there are a lot of others who suffer from your illness but who don't have your gift for words, who would appreciate someone verbalising what they endure every day.

Pris said...

Hi Rae
Thanks for saying that. I've written some poems (only a few) about the experience of chronic illness in the past. It was at a time when I was posting primarily on the OZ board and a board called Performance Poetry, which I stopped going to years ago. 'Confessional' poetry was slammed heavily by the two main members of that board and the leader. In fact, one member became quite irate about those particular poems. I finally left that board and it was afterwards that my writing finally started to grow again.

Right now, I'm just not having anything come at all, but I'll be more open to that subject in the future.

gingerivers said...

I hope you finaly shake this malady
Pris and recover.

Pris said...

Thanks, Ginger...that makes two of us!

none said...

Are there any natural hot springs in your area you can visit? they are generally very soothing to soak in and some even say they help with various ailments. I would recommend you go to a resort even if it is out of the way.

Pris said...

Hi Renata
None in the slightest bit near me. I live in SE Florida and it's house to house to building packed all together from north of me all the way to Miami. I really hate it but moving is a financial option right now. The only springs in the state have been taken over by tourists and have flamengo boats running though them or water slides. Whenever I can sit enough again , I'll go over to the ocean. The scent of fresh sea air is my own personal balm close enough to get to. I go late afternoon when the sun worshipers and boom boxes have gone home.

And thanks for caring enough to give my an idea!


mouse said...

Pris, Sorry to hear that you are in a low spot. You know that I have MS which causes oodles of fatigue also, so I have to pace myself whenever I do anything. I stay away from stuff that can knock out my immune system, even though it is believed that very system is my enemy. But when you have an infection it has got to be dealt with as quickly as possible. I hope that the recovery is also swift and the low becomes glow! LOL

Pris said...

hi mouse
yes, you would understand what this is like, indeed. i'm convinced my system has just become so weakened from the beginning of this battle that it's become harder and harder to keep the infection away. I get down about it, but then pull myself back up, since all I can do is do the best I can.

you take care of you, too!

666poetry-finchnot said...

"death becomes ultimate pain release
body's train wreak i give you my hands"

pris this is from a poem i wrote a while ago / these were the last lines in it

brooks hoffman wrote this in reply

There is a famous Urdu sher by Mirza Ghalib:


The happiness of the drop is to die in the river;
When pain exceeds the limits; the pain itself becomes medicine.

Pris said...

hi finch
thanks for the words of wisdom...right now i think i'd rather be the river than the drop:-)