Thursday, September 30, 2010

sharing a haiku

a fisherman dips his hands
into the full moon

Saturday, September 25, 2010

September 23- Twenty years living with ME/CFS

Last Thursday marked my 20th year anniversary since I awoke with all of the symptoms that were later diagnosed as CFIDS (now ME/CFS). For those of you who don't follow my blog, you can read the 'about me' page on my website for a description of my experience with the illness (  This link opens in a new window. All I'll say here is that the first 9 years of this illness were terrifying. I had tremendous difficulty thinking and understanding. Light and sound made me shake. I couldn't read. I couldn't listen to music or watch tv. Never mind do more complex things. I made it through by pacing the house, lying down, pacing again to keep my body going, lying down....when I did pace it felt as if weights were attached to my limbs. My mantra was 'all I have to do is get through the next 15 minutes'. I decided that the POW's didn't know when or if they would be released until it happened and I hoped a door would open for better functioning for me.

That door finally did open. It didn't free me, but it allowed me to begin using a computer, writing poetry, reading very short things, and watching a movie on tv ever so often.

On Wednesday night, I was very bravado. I told myself that the 20 years marked 20 years of survival, that I'd made it. The fact that my mother had died 14 years ago on that same day, too, made it a double whammy but I still didn't think it would affect me. I woke up out of a sound sleep at 3 30 Thursday morning crying and I knew that no matter how hard I tried, I couldn't stuff down the real grief over the losses that day represented. It was important for me to release that as well as recognize my strength in getting this far.

Fortunately, my college friend Marilyn was visiting this week. Even though it's been a rough period for me with the whiplash and lumbar strain from being rear-ended, we managed to drive over by the ocean I love so much for a 15 minute visit. The wind was blowing too hard to comfortably stay longer and I was tired from lack of sleep. are a few photos from that day. I look at the photo of me and think what everybody who doesn't know this illness always says....'but you LOOK so good'......

My friend, Marilyn, below:

 A shot of the pier with the waves rolling in:

 Me, trying to keep my visor from blowing off and hanging onto my cushion so IT wouldn't blow away.

Click to enlarge.

Thanks for listening.


Nights in Rodanthe

I recently watched Nights in Rodanthe again, thinking as I did the first time, that the house with its feet in the surf had to be a movie creation, not a real one since the surf was washing under the steps down to the ocean. I googled and found photos of the house used in the film. Notes said that the hurricanes of 2009 had made the house unsafe but it had been bought and relocated to a safer area about a mile away. As I googled more, I saw more of these beautiful homes, now no longer protected by dunes and vulnerable. Many are condemned now. I wonder if eventually we'll lose them all, just as stilt city off of Biscayne Bay near Miami disappeared.

Some of the movie was filmed here on the Outer Banks and all was filmed in eastern North Carolina, a beautiful area. I sailed through the Outer Banks and can attest to this personally.

I don't usually use my blog to recommend a movie but loved this one and would recommend it highly. Read a small synopsis of the plot  HERE

The house.....

Friday, September 17, 2010

Haiku tribute to Jimmy Laney, good friend, in current Sketchbook Journal

Click on Sketchbook Haiku sequence to read.

To see the whole issue, go HERE. Under collaborative photo haiga you'll also find some work I did with Geoff Sanderson. Great issue!


Tuesday, September 14, 2010

A friend's face

When you're almost completely housebound, as I have been for 20 years now with ME/CFS, it's hard to make or keep friendships. I can't go places with friends. I can only handle a certain amount of conversation before I crash and need quiet time before I can talk again. I'm fortunate that three friends from my old life understand this well enough to visit with me and accept that it won't be like before. They've wanted the friendship enough to adapt and for that I feel so very grateful.

My college friend Marilyn drives over from the other side of the state twice a year and would come anytime if I had an emergency and needed her, such as when my mother died and my husband left to go take her ashes up to the Carolinas for the memorial service there and burial beside my father. She arranged ahead of time, knowing mother was dying, to take off work and come be with me during that hard alone time when I knew old friends and family were gathering at the place I wanted most to be.

Marilyn is to the far right in this shot of friends outside our dorm.

This is me during our Stetson years at Daytona, an hour from Stetson, our school. I'm to the left with the plaid shirt.


Thursday, September 09, 2010

9/11 approaching

I'm still only posting off and on and not yet able to read many blogs. The rear-end accident in July has slowed me down more than usual. Readership continues to plummet on all but the most popular blogs, however, from what I hear and read from other bloggers. Everyone is spending their free time on facebook or twitter. I'm not a twitter person but I plead guilty to facebook browsing and posting. The search engines can't get to a private profile on facebook so I can post poems without running into the growing journal rule that 'if found by the search engines it's considered published'.

9/11 is approaching quickly so today I'm posting a link to a very brief page I did after the towers were hit.Go HERE to read it. Turn on your sound.

And let's hope that fool doesn't burn the Koran on Saturday.