It wasn't the modem, by the way...

It was the DSl line. I'm glad it was that simple.

The discussions continue about the retrovirus found in the blood of those of us with CFIDS (ME/CFS). As expected, the research will have to be replicated many times over and then, if it holds up even for a subgroup, what antiviral will help is still another big question. Right now private labs are charging between 450 to 650 dollars for the testing. That's not paid for by insurance or Medicare. I'm sitting tight until more research comes in and prices go down.

The hardest part is the bouncing around of hope. When the work first was announced by the Whittemore-Peterson lab, The National Institute of Cancer, and the Cleveland Clinic, the first feeling of course was hope. As the days have gone by, the questions come in...is this a piggyback virus and not the cause...is this a correlation but not a causation...so many more. I'd held my hope to modest goals all of these years. This time, briefly, I allowed thoughts to soar that I might have my life back again, a life I'd convinced myself that I could survive without. I'd blunted all of my feelings in that direction.

Now I feel as if I'm on a seesaw. My emotions are all over the place and it's difficult.

I so hope this research takes us somewhere. At least for the first time, since signs of blood transmission have been seen in the labwork, the CDC and NIH are taking the illness more seriously than ever before. Research is gearing up in other places. This is a biggie, a first. I'm happy about that.

My husband drove me over to the ocean yesterday. That's always a centering place for me. It was late afternoon, still full light, but a white moon had already risen on the horizon. An east wind brought the scent of brine with it. It was lovely.