(Haibun is generally written in mostly present tense, with more brevity, but I posted this in the haibun section at Haiku Hut and the feedback that I got was to keep it, that sometimes the spirit of what is said is more important than form. A haibun traditionally ends with a haiku that doesn't sum up the writing, but serves to lead the reader beyond what has been said)
Today I'm extra swimmy again, so this is my musing for the day, my walk in the garden, my meditation.
I took piano in grammar school. When I met my current husband in 1980, his mom played so very well that I found myself yearning to play again. He bought me a second hand piano for Christmas that year we dated. I got a child's primer and relearned bit by bit until I could play better than average, but wasn't a concert star by any means. I played piano almost every evening until I got CFIDS, ten years later. Loved it with a passion. Had tons of music from classical to blues to light rock.
As CFIDS hits. I can no longer coordinate my brain , hands, music, anything, but I still keep the piano, in hope...One day I hear about a concert pianist who has CFIDS also. He lost his ability to play for quite a long time. He has a recording studio at his home and begins getting better. One day he feels he can play again. His wife's birthday is coming up, so he plays a very simple version of 'be my love' and records it for her. After that he is able to gradually play more complex pieces but never quite like before. I look up this song on a CD. It is far more beautiful than his more elaborate ones, both for melody and for what it means.
We who have this illness, or any life changing illness, have to give away so very much. You can't think about it, though, or it'll break your spirit. We focus on what we have and embrace it and hope that one day we might be fortunate enough to sit down on that piano stool again, place fingers on keys, and that other music will come again, too.
in winter winds
birds in flight